“I can’t stop thinking about it.” These words from a woman who had an abortion almost 25 years ago and who is living with almost unbearable regret and guilt have been haunting me. This is my advice to you, dear daughter of God.
I pondered this and prayed about it for several days. I suggest a simple practice to hopefully begin the healing from the wounds left by the scourge of abortion. My counsel for you, and for anyone who carries this regret and burden, is as often as you catch yourself thinking of it, to let that be a call to prayer. I recommend that this prayer go to Our Blessed Mother. Ask her, who also knows the pain of losing a child due to the consequences of sin, to take your hand, and lead you to the healing that you could hardly even hope for, so burdened are you with guilt. Ask her to show you the way to forgiveness and healing – God’s forgiveness, and for you to be able to forgive yourself. Tell her that you entrust it to her, and to help you to simply be open to her and to follow her guidance; she will provide it. This is all – just begin with prayer; develop a short line to pray if the thoughts are coming at you during the day during your work and activities. Perhaps a line from Scripture, or just a simple phrase, such as “Mother, I entrust this to you.” Pray about it in the morning and evening with your prayers, and then follow what she advises you.
When the evil one sees that his accusations are only serving to cause you to draw closer in trust to the Lord and His mother, he will flee. This will also serve to train your response; instead of throwing yourself into the pit of dark thoughts and despair, you will immediately have recourse to prayer and this will stop those thoughts in their tracks, will help you to realize your need for the Lord, and to understand that with Him you can be fully restored – not only fully restored but beyond that, someone who knows of the Lord’s great mercy, forgiveness, and healing and you will be able to pass this knowledge onto others for His glory.
Sacramental confession is a vital step, and I recommend it as soon as you have the strength. This is the Year of Mercy, and you will be forgiven.
Off the top of my head, some Scripture readings/passages that come to mind for reflection are the Parable of the Prodigal Son, the Woman caught in Adultery, John 21:17 Simon Peter’s restoration after denying Jesus.
Don’t fear. God brings great good out of evil. It is good to know of our need for a Savior.