Today, the Lord spoke to me.
Over the past few days, I became angry at several people over a couple of situations. It disturbed me. In fact, one of those moments was yesterday, and after I somewhat blew up, I was sitting in the chapel with Our Lord, wondering if He also was offended, and I felt that I heard Him say, “I’m not worried about it.” “Well,” I told Him, “You should be.” Silence, though I sensed His gentle, penetrating gaze (and perhaps slight amusement). Today before Mass, I briefly discussed one of the situations with a friend, and told him what upset me. He agreed; I had every right to be angry about it. He assured me I was one of the best people he knew. I appreciated his kind words, but still didn’t feel right.
Then, I listened to the readings. 1 John 4:7-10. Beloved, Love one another, because love is of God. God IS love. And the Gospel was John 15:9-17. I also love you. Remain in My love, so that you may be joyful.
As I pondered these words during the remainder of Mass, the Lord told me more. My reactions to these situations are normal, human reactions and as such are understandable. However, He calls me to respond with a divine reaction – with love. What credit it is it to me if I have normal, human responses to situations? No, I need to react like Him. I know this. I have known this. But, it’s not a matter of intellectual knowing. I have let my prayer life slip. I have been busy. The cares and anxieties of everyday life have taken me from spending regular, quality time with the Lord. However, I also realized that for the moment, my work (writing and editing) has slowed slightly. The Lord has given me this respite to spend with Him. I must use it to draw closer to Him. To come back to Him. Repent.
I prayed, “Lord, grant me strength. Grant me the desire for you. Melt my heart.” I envisioned my heart like a cracked, concrete sidewalk. However, through that crack, I see a shoot of new life, a tiny flower sprouting. “Lord, transform my hard heart into soft, fertile soil where new life can grow. And let that life be Love.”